Never Alone

The sky over Hamilton Harbour on Saturday night

Listen to me now

I need to let you know

You don't have to go it alone

This piece of song, taken from U2's Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, was playing as I sat down to type this post. And my title for the post was already chosen. In how many ways do Tim and I know that we are not alone?! It's beyond number.


We haven't posted in a while because we've been home, doing home things. We had a really nice weekend together. Tim and I celebrated our anniversary by going out, leaving the kids home in someone else's care. And we relaxed. We have learned how to use "texting" on the phone, yay for us, and that helped us keep peace of mind because we could text with our babysitter. Then we don't seem like over-anxious parents, calling repeatedly to see if it's going okay.



Saturday morning was somewhat difficult as Caleb's temperature started rising just after breakfast. I felt like we were heading into a repeat of last Monday, when he did run a fever. My anxiety level went way up and I made sure we had everything packed for the hospital. I was sure we were going in. But, as the morning wore on, his temperature didn't climb as high as 38 celcius, and it came back down. 38 Celcius is the temperature reading that prompts us to call the hospital and most likely get admitted. I have no idea what brought Caleb's temp up, but I am incredibly thankful for the answers to prayer as it came back down. I really just wanted to stay home, to not have another disruption, to keep things peaceful and simple for our girls and Caleb. Thankfully, they are. It's Tuesday and we're still home!


Monday was a clinic day for us. It was a great day, relatively speaking. In the new normal, it was awesome. Caleb had his finger poke at 8:30, and he didn't cry. He said (sorry to those squeamish ones) that his blood looked like ketchup. Nurse Debbie agreed. We went up to the clinic waiting room to wait, and Caleb was all over the train table. We put his freezing cream on his port site in preparation for getting some chemo, and he went back to playing. Caillou was on the TV, and Caleb watched with Jason, a little boy in his 17th month of treatment. I joked about how we used to think Caleb looked like Caillou, and now he does even more!


The head nurse gave us the printout of Caleb's blood counts. These came as great news. All of his blood counts are up from before. This is a first for him since we came to the hospital, and probably for the last number of months. He is still low in all of the major areas--red blood cells, platelets, neutrophyls (the infection fighters)--but he is higher than he has been. We can tell in the amount of energy he has had at home, for playing and fighting with his sisters. It's nice to see it on paper too.


After waiting a little while more, we were able to go the examining room and receive Caleb's chemo. This was our first chemo as an outpatient, so we didn't really know what it would be like. The nurse took a little pokey thing (sorry for the really poor description) that looks like an enlarged thumbtack, and poked it into Caleb's port. It was numb, and while Caleb was screaming and yelling and fighting, he didn't flinch for the poke at all. The nurse (Andrea) attached the syringe with the chemo (Vincristine) in it and pushed it in. And then she pulled out the thumbtack, again with Caleb screaming and fighting, and again with no flinching, and it was done. Caleb agreed that it didn't hurt. As he wiped away tears and caught his breath, Andrea brought out the treat box and he was fine.


That was our morning! We were home again by 11:30, in time for lunch.


We go in again on Monday of next week. It will be another short clinic visit, but then we will be admitted that evening to begin the next phase of treatment. This phase begins with hospitalization for about 2 weeks, give or take, depending on how Caleb's body responds to the treatment. You can pray about that! I'll give more information about that time as we get closer to it.


For now, this week we are home and having (mostly) a good time together. It's taking some adjustment to be together again, and I'm now finding that I need to catch up on sleep. My adrenaline is easing off as my worry eases for this time. Because Caleb's counts are up, and we don't expect anything for a week, my system is allowing me to recover a bit. And so last night I went to bed at 7. I'm catching up. The kids are adjusting as well, although I hope that getting up at 6 am doesn't last for long!


Thank you for your support and your prayers. We feel it. We are receiving grace for each day. We are so very aware of not worrying about tomorrow, and trusting God for each day.


J